I have always had an innate understanding and trust in God's Will. It is not something that I worked to develop, it has just always been there. That faith has always brought me great comfort when I was up against something that was, humanly, very hard to understand.
This trust has been under attack in the last few weeks. As exciting as this move is, I am terrified! I am scared about spending the money that we have worked so hard to save. I am scared to finally come to terms with the idea of homeschooling (I didn't say that out loud, ignore it). I'm scared that I won't cut it when trying to be the mom I KNOW I'm called to be.
The other day, after looking at the amount of closing costs/realtor fees needed for the selling and purchasing of these two homes, I about lost it. As I rode in the car with P, I closed my eyes and prayed, "Lord, I don't want to do this. I know we are supposed to, but I don't want to. It's too hard." With the most perfect clarity I got, "Trust me." With that, I went to sleep (I think it was more of a body shutting itself down from stress kind of nap) and woke up with the most awkward peace. I was still anxious, nervous, and emotional, but I had an authentic peace that if I just keep going, it will come together as it should.
My dad has always told me that at some point in life, I would have to risk it all. I'd have to step up, shut my eyes, and just jump. Well, I think this is it. This is our game-changer.
I have trusted in God's Will for my life thus far, and they are right, His will always brings me the most fulfillment. I suppose there is no reason to stop trusting now. But for the record,
I'M SCARED OUT OF MY MIND!!!
(Thanks for letting me say that!)